I am spiritual person and although I don’t believe in conventional, well-defined preconceived notions of a higher power, I believe that there is more to life than just the mechanics of the world. Time and time again my “gut” has been there to screen and warm me of things my rational mind couldn’t grasp. So that is my brilliant logic as to why there’s more.
For the last few months I have been dreaming of snakes. When these dreams first started I happened to casually mention them to people during one of my safaris about six months ago. One of them said to me that dreaming of snakes means that enemies are lying close to you and that I should be careful. Because the snake in my dream was just lying next to me without doing anything other I assumed that perhaps this was a bit too superstitious and I left at that. I thought perhaps the dream meant I had a friend who I had to keep an eye out for.
In the last few weeks I have started dreaming of snakes again. Ironically the snakes in my dreams are always in the bathroom – this is perhaps due to the fact that my worst snake experiences have occurred in bathrooms (they always seem to find me there).
The last snake dream I had was absolutely disgusting.
I dreamed I found a drawer full of snakes in my mom’s closet. They were small, thin and black with a white side stripe running along their bodies. Because I didn’t want anyone in my family to get hurt, I decided to put all the snakes in my mouth. In dreamland, this seemed like the best way to take the snakes away from my loved ones and protect them. When my mouth was filled with snakes I then went outside and one by one started pulling them out of my mouth. I was so disgusted of this dream when I got up, and so puzzled by it that I shared with the girls that always have my back.
“I don’t know what it means or what went through my brain but this was too disgusting not to share”. Its not friendship if you don’t share the gagging details.
I left the dream at that because in all likelihood I had been dreaming of snakes because I was nervous that all the squirrels in the roof might bring an unwanted visitor into my life. Checking the bathroom before entering became a routine activity every morning.
Months after, and due to the most heart breaking succession of unwanted events; I realized that there had been a snake in my life all along. The snake is of course not a snake, but a woman. Someone we let into our lives and behaved in such a disgusting and unfaithful way that “betrayal” isn’t even a big enough word to explain what she did or how she behaved. When confronted there were no apologies on her side. As a first reaction she slithered and hid away like most snakes do – she used those who she had betrayed the most as a shield for her cowardice.
In a world like today it saddens me to no end to know that there are still women out there willing to betray, stab and bring down other women for no other end than personal gratification, in the most primitive level. Professionally and personally I have been on the receiving end of women’s cruelty on far too many occasions and it disappoints every time to know that it isn’t because of you, but because a deep innate insecurity that drives them to act in a selfish and irrational way.
I could destroy the snakes. Chop their heads off and pay them back with the same coin they have paid me. An eye for an eye for a life and a dream destroyed. I know the Universe will repay your actions. I know that whatever you had brought into my life, you will receive back in yours. Hell is a place on Earth, and we pay in this lifetime the evil that we bring upon others.
But…life is how we chose to react to the unwanted curve balls.
I am choosing to repay your venom with the only thing I refuse to give up: kindness. I will not destroy lives; in the face of all the destruction you brought into my life, I will not destroy yours.
I am choosing to be better.
I am choosing never to bring other women down the way you have.
I am choosing to be a better woman.
I am choosing not to intentional hurt people.
I am choosing to let go.
The Universe will handle it, it always does.
(And if it doesn’t, I have enough evidence to handle it myself.)