I was supposed to write something memorable for the start of the New Year. I was supposed to have words and feelings flowing so that I could put in writing the wishes for a new year. The exact words never came as the end of the year was a tumultuous time. Many experiences, many feelings came rushing back in a time of the year where feel nostalgic and vulnerable and just as a good year ends we feel the memorable times can be eclipsed by regrets, missed opportunities or things we wished we had done differently.
After the rush of the holidays, real life settles in, you materialise new projects and look over your shoulder to the year that was. My overdramatic self settles down a you are able to weigh the experiences past and set an intention for what’s to come. I finished the year in my yellow underwear and my yellow backpack for good luck, for travel and good fortune; and while I leaped into the year by the hand of someone that doesn’t believe in superstitions (but jumped with me nonetheless just in case), I realized more than ever that we are the forgers of our path, a path that cake take many twists and turns in only 365 days.
I welcomed the New Year with my big girl panties on being thankful for what I’ve got. I have lead a life I had never expected and while I wouldn’t change it, I sometimes feel I have let down a younger version of myself for not achieving in time certain milestones I thought were meant to come naturally. While 2018 started with a threat, I decided that I would take care of myself and not let the circumstances decide for me as I had previously allowed.
When I look back at that threat now, I realise that I was my biggest problem. I had to threaten the Universe and blame my luck to defy and change my stars. A rebel loves nothing better than a cause. I decided to let go. I took the plunge. I worked hard, extremely hard. I put what mattered first. I put who mattered first. Way too many times I was out of my comfort zone. Way too many times I walked away. Way too many times I found hope.
2018 might have started with a threat, but it ended with no regrets and a big smile on my face. Sometimes we need to take ourselves out of the equation and get some perspective of what we’ve done, who we’ve met and where we’ve gone. Connecting the dots looking back fills you with a sense of purpose and on some mornings where everything is quiet, also pride. 2018 was one of the most fulfilling years I have ever had.
This year in turn didn’t start with a threat but with a promise: to never stop looking for the magic around us.